10. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has just poured millions of dollars into building a new stadium for the Cowboys and if his star QB is bound to Jinxica Simpson for life by what would probably be the world’s dumbest baby, the Cowboys are never going to make the playoffs. If Jessica did get pregnant, we’re guessing that Jones would pay some shady Texan a whole lot of money to “make the situation go away.”
9. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
We have no idea whether Demi is even still capable of getting pregnant, but we certainly hope she’s not because the idea of the king of Punk’d fathering a baby with America’s most famous cougar makes us feel nauseous. However, if Demi did get pregnant Ashton would probably pay a doctor to tell her that she was having a miscarriage for a very special episode of Punk’d and that would be pretty awesome actually.
8. Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian
Despite Kim’s impressive birthing hips, the child that could come out of this relationship between football’s most overrated running back and Hollywood’s most overrated celebrity would surely be the world’s most overrated baby. How can a baby be “overrated?” We have no idea, but we bet that this kid would find a way.
7. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson
We’ve got nothing against lesbian couples raising children, but we’ve got everything against psychotic Hollywood celebrity lesbian couples raising children.
6. Holly Madison and Criss Angel
We’ve got to hand it to Holly, she managed to find the one guy on the planet that would make a worse role model for a child than Hugh Heffner. Sure, Holly’s ex Hef would have taught the kid that it’s ok to date 7 women at one time as long as their collective ages add up to half your age, but what will Criss Angel teach a kid? We’re guessing how to make a fraudulent career disappear.
5. Nicollette Sheridan and David Spade
If a pregnant woman has a face made entirely of plastic, does her baby come out with a plastic face as well? We’re not sure, but we hope that David and Nicollette don’t make us find out. Besides, the only person in favor of this pregnancy would be Nicollette’s plastic surgeon who would surely get some vaginal rejuvenation business out of it after the pregnancy.
4. Artie Lange and Anybody
Howard Stern’s sidekick already has enough problems with his heroin addiction, booze habit, gambling problem, and eating issues without having to be a father. Actually, having a kid is probably the one problem that Artie has managed to avoid so far which can only mean he’s probably due to knock up some sybian-riding Stern superfan this year.
3. Ice T and CoCo
Ice-T’s pimp hand is strong and his wife Coco’s breasts are, well, huge. We worry that they could easily suffocate a small child and we’re big believers in the theory of better safe than sorry.
2. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy
These two can both be really hilarious. The only problem? They can also be really, really annoying. And since we’ve observed that most people once they have kids tend to become less hilarious and more annoying…that formula spells trouble if these two ever procreate.
1. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt
This was the easiest choice on this whole list. Sure, it’s an obvious choice but that’s why it’s our #1 selection. We can confidently say that there’s not a single person on this planet that would say that these two idiots should have kids and we believe that if we all work together we can make sure that our world is never ruined by their spawn.
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