Tameka "Tiny" Cottles Talks About Daughter's Stillbirth

In case you don't know who Tameka "Tiny" Cottles is she is rapper TI's baby mama. But she was famous before he was as a member of girl group, Xscape. Her interview shows how devastating losing an unborn child can be. And the hospital handled it the right way, allowing her the time with her baby to say good-bye.

Shortly after discovering she was expecting her second child with rapper T.I., former Xscape member Tameka ‘Tiny’ Cottle was faced with the heartbreaking news that her pregnancy check-up had raised a red flag.

In a new interview with Essence, Tiny opens up about her pregnancy struggles, sharing that the sac that held her baby girl “was split in two and they had not combined by the time she had turned 16 weeks old.” With her daughter “positioned in the middle of those two sacs in her own sac,” Tiny was told to prepare for the “possibility that [the baby] could get tied up in her umbilical cord.”

Despite the doctor’s warnings, according to Tiny, the thought of losing the baby never crossed her mind. In fact, says the singer, her doctors informed her that all was well with her baby, as things seemed to be under control. A trip to the specialist the following day however, proved otherwise. “When I went to see the specialist, that’s when they determined there was no heartbeat,” explains Tiny, who delivered her stillborn daughter six months into the pregnancy.

Surrounded by family and friends to avoid her mind from wandering and being “so sad,” both Tiny — who found herself “very upset and depressed for awhile” — and T.I. spent the hours after the birth in the hospital room with their daughter Lelah Amore.

For the devastated mother, the idea of leaving the hospital without her baby girl was understandably hard to swallow. “Here I am in the hospital to have a baby, deliver it, but I’m going to go home with no baby,” says Tiny, who admits she continues to “keep [Lelah's] belongings near me — pictures and roses [from the burial].” While the songstress realizes that her form of grieving may seem “crazy” to others, she “just needed to be with” her baby girl.

“After Lelah was born, I kept her in the room with me the whole day. They placed her in the little basket and we dressed her in an outfit and had a blanket wrapped around her. They came and got her because her body went cold and I wanted her back so they warmed her body again and I kept her. Everybody came to visit her and then me and [T.I.] had our time alone with her.”

While the family held a “beautiful” funeral service for Lelah, Tiny admits she rarely visits the gravesite — apart from “holidays and special days” — as the memories leave her “too sad.” Despite the heartache and immense grief from the loss of their daughter, Tiny and T.I. found their greatest comfort in each other, eventually announcing their second engagement. Tiny — whose “experience taught me not to take life for granted” — shares that the tragedy surrounding their daughter “definitely brought us closer in our relationship.”

In addition to Lelah, the couple are also parents to Clifford ‘King’ Harris III, 4, and Major Harris, 9 months. Tiny has daughter Zonnique Jailee, 12, while T.I. has Messiah, Domani, and Deyjah from previous relationships.

source

Cycle Day 18 (19-1-09)

That really high temp on cycle day 17 is because I only slept about two hours. And all the other signs make it look like I haven't ovulated yet. The highs in one of those little peaks is usually only 0.03 degrees higher than one of those valleys. So technically my temperature hasn't risen three days over the last six. So I'm using cervical mucus as a guide.

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MedHelp

Cycle Day 13 14Jan09

I think I'm ovulating. Somebody suggested that I try Fertility Friend. I entered the numbers and Fertility Friend gave me four different ovulation dates: cycle day 68 (the day before my period), and cycle days 4, 7, and 9. I think I will be sticking with MedHelp. If the numbers aren't clear it doesn't give you crosshairs. I don't need anymore confusion than I already have.

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Cycle Day 4

My doctor wants to track another cycle to see if it was just a luteal cyst or if I'm not ovulating at all.

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Cycle Day 68

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Cycle Day 65

It's never going to end.

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Cycle Day 59

These are temperatures from the same time every morning before I get out of bed. I did oversleep day 49 & 53.

It looks like I may have ovulated, and the temps are rising slowly. My doctor said to give them a few days.

Cycle Day 58

I have no clue what is going on.

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Cycle Day 57

I guess I didn't ovulate a couple of days ago. There is a line in the Billie Holiday song Good Morning Heartache that says ,"Maybe today is my good news day." Well, I am starting to feel like that, but it never seems to be.

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Cycle Day 56

I think I may have ovulated yesterday, but missed it. But it is still good news because at least I'm still ovulating. Sooner or later this cycle will end and I can try again.

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Cycle Day 55

My temperature yesterday never made it up to 98.6 so I knew it would be low this morning, but I didn't expect 96.8. I hope something is happening. At this point I don't care what.

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Cycle Day 54

Things are starting to look good. My temperature is going up. Maybe this is it.

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Cycle Day 53 17-12-08

It looks biphasic to me, at least it does once you factor in the couple of times I overslept. My waking temperature hovers around 97.7 and during the day my temperature is 98.6.

The chart is a cropped version of the MedHelp Ovulation Tracker.

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Cycle Day 52

If you throw out the first number because I'm not sure what time I took my temp, and day 49 where I overslept, it looks like I may have ovulated. I'm starting to feel like I may never ovulate again.

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Cycle Day 51

still nothing

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Free Ovulation Tracker

Medhelp.org has a great ovulation tracker that you can use for free. It tracks periods, cervical mucas, position, and texture, a host of symptoms, and what treatments you have had. You have a choice of whether to use OPK, the Family Awareness Method, or a combination of both. I found the whole thing really easy to set up and use.

Medhelp also has a ton of other trackers: weight, pregnancy, mood, addiction recovery, a baby tracker, exercise, or just about anything else that you would want to track. If you are trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, or just want to improve your health.
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Natural Geographic Clone

Would you clone yourself? I found this interesting movie on the human cloning (it's the whole movie). Is this the future of infertility treatment?

I don't think I would do it. Reproduction is about making a little you, but better.

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Sperm Bank Review - Fertility Cryobank

I paid the $25 for the monthly membership to view the donors at Fertility Cryobank. And I am rather disappointed. They only had 24 donors, and the donor I really liked only had limited availability. The information you get isn't that much different than other sperm banks. Several other cryobanks have adult photos of donors, and have a much larger selection.

And I haven't been able to figure out how they justify charging $600 a vial. For that amount I could get PhD sperm and my child would have the option of finding out who the donor was at 18. (If that sounds like that would interest you head over to Fairfax Cryobank.) It may be a bit of a bargain if you need the 1 year free storage. But if you are buying sperm as you need it another sperm bank may be a better option for you. Because I can't help but feeling that my $25 would have been better spent on a book or lipstick.

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Sperm Donors

I am so excited. My hormones are almost back to normal (after my body started producing HCG even though I wasn't pregnant), so I can start trying to conceive again. I thought that I would have a baby by now, but my hormones just wouldn't cooperate. So now I am looking for a sperm donor. And it's harder than I thought it would be. There are too many choices. I have poor decision making skills, it can take me weeks to make the simplest decision, so this impossible.

I know what I want my baby to look like. I want dark curls with rosy cheeks and a little button nose. But there are a million donors out there that would produce that baby. And most sites don't have adult photos, the best you can hope for is a baby photo. I know a lot of ugly people who started out as beautiful babies. And I'm not looking for genius sperm. Both my boys are extremely bright, and I'm tired of being asked questions I don't know the answers to. I just want a creative guy of average intelligence. And even creative is negotiable.

Maybe I should advertise in a college newspaper. I bet some college student would like what I would pay the sperm bank for a vial of sperm, instead of the $50-$100 the sperm bank pays them. I can see my ad now.

Looking for attractive directed sperm donor. No taller than 6 feet, thin build.
Black or dark brown hair, blue eyes. Average intelligence.
Must be willing to take HIV and STD test, looking for
photos. Willing to pay $175-$300 a donation. No personal contact.

I wonder how many replies I would get. Sperm banks accept directed donors and they advertise. So why not advertise for myself and send my own donor to the bank. I think that I would be more comfortable with that. And if all else fails, there is always my ex.

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Gerber Sucks

To the kind people over at Gerber. I don't have a 4 1/2 month old. I miscarried that baby a year ago this week. I don't enjoy getting your coupons. And getting them this week is just cruel. Maybe you should make sure a woman has had the baby before you start sending out coupons. The same thing goes for Huggies and Pampers. I shouldn't have to spend my free time calling baby companies that I wouldn't be interested in to get off their mailing lists.

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Broken Hearted